Home away from sloop

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

By Johnny Ocean

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-Due to Wyoming’s low taxes, I have decided to purchase a home in Jackson Hole. Choosing a proper realtor is of the utmost importance, and I have decided to trust the worldwide reputation of Sotheby’s. The Ocean and Sotheby clans have always shared cordial relations. My great-grandfather, Sir Clifton Ocean, served alongside Colonel Oswald Sotheby at the battle of the Somme and saved his life by singlehandedly repealing a German infantry charge with a Vickers machine gun.

I valet parked my Aston Martin at the Four Seasons and sought out the office of Jill Sassi-Neison, a member of the Sotheby’s team of elite real-estate professionals. Sassi-Neison is an extremely affable and attractive woman who will, I hope, find a home that meets my exacting architectural specifications.

Jill Sassi-Neison: Welcome Mr. Ocean. I look forward to helping you find your dream home.

Johnny Ocean: I certainly hope so. Finding the right home is like searching through coal for an unpolished diamond.

JSN: What type of a domicile are you seeking?

JO: Well a condo or an apartment is completely out of the question. I cannot bear to hob-knob with the hoi polloi and riff raff. I desire a home that celebrates the art of modern architecture to its fullest. No Lincoln Logs or cowboy crap. Large windows, marble counter tops, a spacious garage with room for my sloop and collection of touring automobiles. Also, I require a Jacuzzi that seats at least 20, stainless steel appliances and large wall spaces for my paintings.

JSN: I know just the house. Do you have time to go look at it now?

JO: Yes, but I must confess I am famished, could we stop for a bite?

JSN: You’re in luck, I have a stock of the finest Italian cheeses hand-crafted by my family in the old country where my people are from.

JO: This Asiago is quite exquisite – rich in character, it finishes clean, yet lingers on the palate. What other treasures hide in your cupboard?

JSN: Well I also have this Locatelli and a fine grading Pecorino.

JO: Smashing! If only we had some ripe tomatoes. I am not impressed with the quality of local produce. Wyomatos - why bother?

JSN:  I regret I cannot offer you Jersey Tomatos, which most Italian Americans will agree are the finest outside of Italy. ...Well, here, we are Mr. Ocean – the long lost Frank Lloyd Wright Summer Cottage. Priced to sell at $9.3 million.

JO: I am spellbound, look at those modern lines, seamless integration with the environment, its like Fallingwater except with green paint. I’ll take it. JHW

Johnny Ocean is the brainchild of Aaron Wallis.

photo by AARON WALLIS
Jill Sassi-Neison shows Johnny Ocean a dry-land dwelling.

PERMALINK:
Home away from sloop | Planet JH News Article: Arts Beat

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