Props & Disses 1/11/12

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

By Jake Nichols

Death: there’s an app for that     DISS
Add one more crutch for the gadget-obsessed Gen-Xers who feel more at home in virtual reality than the other reality. Two enterprising software engineers have come up with a “Winter Survival Kit” for motorists who find themselves stranded in a blizzard, no doubt after tenaciously following their TomTom’s directions straight into a snow bank.

Back in the Dark Ages, which is referred to as the ‘Ask Jeeves era’ by techies, mankind had to actually remember to pack food, water, blankets, flares, tire chains, booster cables, shovels, and other essential items recommended by AAA. Some true Wyomingites still do. Now, hipsters change a flat with their cell phone.

North Dakota State University student Jake Joraanstad and employee Bob Bertsch designed a virtual survivor kit for the reality-impaired; a free iPhone or Android smartphone app intended to assist motorists in the event they find themselves stranded and their avatar doesn’t have a tow rope.

The app features helpful text tips like a reminder to clear the tailpipe of snow and the best way to apply the ‘ricking’ method of getting unstuck without tearing up the transmission. It can also dial 9-1-1 for the victim in case it’s too difficult to remember the number.

SPOT locators are the reason backcountry novices feel impervious to the dangers of the wild. This new app will only further a nanny state nation of phone fiddlers. Google has done to the Dewey Decimal System what Texas Instruments did for long division. And personal injury lawyers have plumb run off common sense.
Look, life isn’t for everyone. Danger lurks around every corner for a reason. Ask Darwin. When you’re time is up, SONY should not be working out a last-minute deal with the Grim Reaper on your behalf. Life doesn’t come with a Ctrl-Alt-Del feature and the gene pool is better for it.

Habitat head wraps up meaningful tenure     PROP
Terri Marino, executive director of Habitat for Humanity of the Greater Teton Area, announced her resignation earlier this week. During Marino’s eight-year run, Habitat built 18 homes in Teton County with nine additional units nearing completion or in the works. Marino also breathed life in the ReStore, Habitat’s retail outlet in the Grand Teton Plaza. Profits have tripled during her tenure.

Marino said she is stepping down because she will be moving away. She will continue to serve until March 1 while a replacement is found. A job description and application details can be found at www.tetonhabitat.org.  Applications will be due by January 27 and interviews will take place in early February.

Inordinate amount of ordinances    DISS
The town’s ordinances are kept in a file cabinet at the Town Hall. It has to be, in order to hold the complete library of useless city laws on the books, the tallest piece of office furniture offered by Staples. Access to the top drawer is considered a technical climb. Of course, we’re no California, but we’re getting close.

Witness the latest law to hit the books: It is now legal for a horse to ride in a limo. But bringing a cat to the vet in a taxi would still be considered unlawful. Only in Jackson, eh? If it weren’t so true it would be laughable. Actually, it’s a lot of both.
In keeping with the latest Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) revised regulations, the Town of Jackson passed an ordinance amending section 5.50.140(E) of the Municipal Code to include not only guide dogs for the blind but service animals in general as long as they are trained to perform a task for people with disabilities.

This can include dogs that can recognize when their master is having a seizure or PTSD-induced panic attack and calm them by whimpering and wagging their tail. Some canines are even trained to remind their humans when it’s time to take their medications. (You’d think there’d be an app for that.)

The ADA list of recognized service animals does not include rhesus monkeys taught to apply makeup to arthritic blue-hairs or dolphins trained to swim into the torpedo tubes of German U-boats, a self-sacrifice of national pride that would make the War Horse look like a common coward.

The list does include, amazingly, miniature horses. Miniature horses are growing in popularity as guide animals for the blind, mainly because they live longer than dogs. As of March 2011, miniature horses are now OK’d for air travel (now if they could only ban infants). As far as the Town of Jackson is concerned, miniature horses can now ride the START bus as long as they’re on the job; they just can’t be tied to a public tree in town. Go figure.

courtesy backcountry.com
Winter survival kit.

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Props & Disses 1/11/12 | Planet JH News Article: General News

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