Politicians don't taste like chicken

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

By Galloping Grandma

Well it’s already the middle of March and the Ides of March are here. I have no idea what an ide is, but it didn’t do much for Julius Caesar. He was warned to beware of the Ides of March and sure enough, he got clobbered by his political enemies. Don’t you think that a primary, or one of those endless caucuses, would have done as much? On the other hand, they’d probably still be counting the votes, especially those funny ballots in Florida.

 I am woefully tired of this election. It seems to have no end and one longs for the olden days, when a bunch of party hacks gathered in smoke-filled hotel rooms, and after discretely calling fixers, shady connections and past and current girlfriends, came up with a candidate. After getting everyone in the cemetery to vote, the problem was solved until the next election. Don’t knock it, it could work.

 I am also woefully tired of this winter, We’ve had more snow and ice than usual and I don’t care if all snowflakes are different, they all look alike to me, especially when piled four feet deep in the driveway.

 It has also been tiresome for the airborne public. They have been spending more time in the airport than on their trips. I have a suspicion that airports are made deliberately uncomfortable and miserable just so travelers will be eager to run out and jump on what is essentially a flying bomb in the forlorn hope that they, and their luggage, will eventually go somewhere together.

 There have been a lot of planes sliding off icy runways lately. Cora Edmoe and her niece, Tiffanee, recently flew from Des Moines to Fargo, N.D., to attend the North Dakota Beauty Expo. Tiffanee wanted to improve her depilatory techniques and study exfoliation. She wore her four-inch spike heels and a miniskirt that matched her makeup case. Well, the plane hit the Fargo runway and just kept on going. It ended up in a snow bank and everyone was screaming and throwing a fit and the passengers had to slide down escape chutes. Tiffanee’s miniskirt flew over her head just as the Fargo TV station took pictures. Her rear end was on every paper in the country and a big hit on the Internet. Hint to Tiffanee: Wear slacks when traveling.

 Mother Lilleboe was in the news last week as well. Now, I am terrified of being locked in places, like public bathroom stalls and closets, and I am afraid to lock them. I got stuck in an elevator and thought they would discover my skeleton and purse in some future age. Well, Mother got locked in a broom closet by accident. Instead of panicking, Mother just kicked a hole in the wall and crawled out. She may be old, but she is mighty and the Corn Cob Gazette had a picture of her hanging through the hole in the wall. She is now a big celebrity at the senior center and has been asked to join the over-65 weight lifting club.

 Now that the ice has gone out on Lake Corn Cob, there have been some sightings of the Lake Corn Cob monster, Corny. He very closely resembles a floating dead tree limb with eyes. If you approach him, he will submerge and resurface behind you. No one is sure what he eats, but there is a rumor that old Norwegian fisherman and fat Labrador might be on the menu. Lake monsters are common in the Midwest, sometimes heard rustling in the bushes or running down the highway at night. I would suggest tossing a politician or two Corny’s way, but he’d probably just heave them back. I know the feeling, pass the Di-gel please, this election can’t last forever, can it? Or can it?
PERMALINK:
Politicians don't taste like chicken | Planet JH News Article: Galloping Grandma

Leave a Comment