Did anyone bring an oil can?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

By Galloping Grandma

My husband will be having surgery this week. He has had surgery before, but this time a robot will perform it. I know what you think, that lots of doctors act like robots, especially on dates, but this will be done by a real live robot!

I’m not sure what this means, as there are lots of robotics out there, but I’m not sure which ones graduated from med school. There is that robot maid on the Jetsons, the gigantic Gork on The Day the Earth Stood Still and although the Tin Man isn’t exactly a robot, he is metallic and clanks. There is R2D2 and C3PO, and the one on Lost in Space. Will Smith’s movies are full of robots, but I doubt of any of them are doctors. I am personally not interested in being strapped to an operating table while in rolls a hunk of sheet metal waving a scalpel.

Now to be fair, I’m not sure it’s really like that. I’m told a real doctor will be directing the robot. It might be like one of those arcade games where you try to keep your car on the road, and the doctor tries to keep the patient from falling off the table. Maybe it’s like Wii, where the doctor waves his arms around, and the robot copies him. It could be like one of those claw machines and the doctor hopes he yanks out the right organ. I’ve never seen this done, but maybe it’s like a video game, “Extreme Kidney Removal II,” or “Lobotomy for Fun,” and I really don’t think I want to know.

This is the age of robotics, anything to keep from doing it yourself. A Japanese robot just directed the Detroit Symphony and did a good job and didn’t fight with the musicians and didn’t ask for a raise. A friend of mine, Earlene Fungo, bought one of those vacuum cleaners that roll around the floor. It sucked up her underwear, and almost sucked up the cat.

The fear now is that robots will be capable of thinking and making decisions for themselves. The early part of the 20th century brought us the age of machines and the fear of industrialization. In one frightening play, “R.U.R.,” the play ends with the robots marching off the stage and into the audience. They are either taking over the world or out to get the drama critic. But, it could happen, scary stuff here.

Speaking of scary stuff, I hear that Senator Obama will end his campaign where it began, in my home state of Iowa. That means that everyone will have to haul out their bib overalls and start looking rustic again. Last summer they were wading around in pigpens, eating fried Twinkies at the State Fair, and posing in cornfields. I really think Iowans resent a lot of this. I’m sure the hogs do. I, for one, am tired of being patronized, and my Xanax is almost gone.

This year the corn crop is late, the fields are muddy, gas is $4 a gallon and the fair won’t be for awhile. On top of that, Eleanor, the 1,000-pound hog, has 15 babies and hasn’t got time to pose for photographers. Obama may find things less welcoming this year. And no insult intended, it might be a good idea to send in a robot and stay home. It’s possible no one will be able to tell the difference. As for my husband, he will be fine. I am also having surgery myself, and if I’m going to have a robot operate, it better be really good looking.
PERMALINK:
Did anyone bring an oil can? | Planet JH News Article: Galloping Grandma

Leave a Comment