Johnny Law – last of the big spenders?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

By PJH Staff

JACKSON HOLE, WYO. – “It’s unclear how these major capital expenditures are getting through,” Mayor Bark Marron said. The latest financial audit of the town’s outlays for the fiscal year ending July 2007 shows the purchase by local law enforcement of at least two police helicopters and one boat at a total cost of more than $220 million. In the case of the aircraft, it seems the expenditure slipped by only after it was labeled as a “Canine Unit Dog Food” expense. The boat was rumored to have been purchased with cash from a police fund titled “Demo Derby Shakedown.”

The stockpiling of assets and arsenal by local law enforcement is especially astonishing considering it comes despite a thinning town budget that has forced the Cop Shop to eliminate at least one fulltime position. Chief Damn Ztinkinrich insisted his department is doing all they can to tighten their belts.

“We scaled back on the purchase of our new tasers,” he said. “Originally, we wanted the X1000 which requires an expensive hookup to the nearest power plant. We settled for the R200. It takes two ‘AA’ batteries.”

At the county level, Sheriff Rob N. Simmer said he nearly saved the taxpayers millions when he tried to get the new $55 million Justice Center pushed through under the annual “Shoe Polish” expense. Only a sharp-eyed county clerk caught the error while rifling through her desk drawer full of double billings and dummy expense sheets.
Public outcry has reached town hall, where the mayor called for calm. “Look at it this way: the police boat is run almost entirely on biodiesel and Snake River Roasting Company coffee. It is in full strategic line with my 10 x 10 initiative.”

Other big-ticket items that were purchased recently by the JPD include several horse acquisitions for the auxiliary mounted patrol including recent Triple Crown flop Big Brown at an expense of more than $3 million.

“Hey, crooks are fast,” said Tailin’ Johns, the equine squadron leader. Records show the department may also have a dozen mace-filled Super Soakers, Kevlar vests made by Armani and spinner hubcaps for the SWAT Mobile Unit.
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Johnny Law – last of the big spenders? | Planet JH News Article: Flipside

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