Principles tested by economic downturn

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

By PJH Staff

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-Budget cuts caused by the economic downturn have caused the People’s Republic of Wilson to cut funding for many departments including the Office of Obama Worship, the Anti-Car Idling Emergency Task Force and the Dick Cheney 24-Hour Protest Squad. The Wilson School has also had to shutter it’s lunch-time sushi bar, and mandatory hot stone massage therapy will be suspended for the remainder of the school year.

Budget cuts are also being felt in the West Bank’s armed wing, and analysts fear social unrest may result as many of the highly trained and much feared members of the Wilson Mom’s unit of the special forces have been released from duty, forcing them to return to the private sector, where jobs are not plentiful.  Some of the notorious moms have even been seen in the town of Jackson. These highly trained commandos who generally avoid Town at all costs, preferring the peacefulness of their faux rural homeland are now mixing with the great, unwashed masses as they seek employment in working class jobs. The results are potentially explosive. 

Sergeant Mallory Williams commented regarding her new job as cashier at the downtown Loaf and Jug, “I can’t believe people eat that stuff. They leave their cars running while they come in to buy Cheetos and hot dogs. Do they understand what that stuff does to your arteries? Don’t they realize that we are in a war against global warming?”

Wilson Special Weapons and Tactics squad leader, Courtney Brittenberg, who is now driving a START bus, commented regarding the masses of humanity that pass before her eyes as she navigates her town shuttle route. “I realize that it’s good to visit foreign places and see how other cultures live, but this is too intense. Damn you Madoff. Damn you,” she said.

Jackson police have been alerted to incidents involving gangs of indigent Wilson Mom’s hanging out in the Town Square and using abusive language to harass overweight tourists. Sergeant Martin Gunn worries, “If the economy doesn’t recover soon this could get way out of hand.”

Residents of Jackson who would like to mentor a troubled West Banker are encouraged to meet at Hungry Jack’s on Saturday morning where they will be paired up with a needy Wilsonsite for a ski-day on Teton Pass.  Please bring warm clothes and be prepared for a vigorous hike. PJH
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Principles tested by economic downturn | Planet JH News Article: Flipside

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