And then, the world ended…

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

By PJH Staff

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-Nostalgia and concern for the future took a hit this week when politicians and activists cast aside their arguments to live in the moment. They went skiing.

After failing to get the attention of international media nor to instigate retaliations, terrorist groups around the world ceased attacks. They went sandboarding.
When bombing campaigns and strong words did not demonstrate the size of their genitalia, nuclear-ready nations called their warships home. They played football, or rugby or some other manly team sport.

Hunters, suddenly gifted with the ability to understand all living things in their own languages, put down their guns, vowing only to kill animals for food, and to ask for forgiveness in doing so. They played capture the flag.

Admitting that media violence creates and perpetuates real-life violence as well as money-lust, gangster rappers and black metal bands took up classical composition. They played Mozart.

CSI went off the air, realizing that pedantic moralizing isn’t any better than violence, and at any rate, it’s probably not good to teach murderers how to get away with it. The cast played scrabble.

Murderers stopped trying to get away with it, realizing that their lives are not based on what other people have. They played solitaire.
State governments cancelled all executions for murderers, and beefed up therapy programs. Officials played Operation.

The absurdly well-off took pay cuts, seeing that their wealth and abundance caused suffering in the world around them, thereby diminishing their abilities to enjoy their wealth and abundance. They played tag.

Newspapers, having nothing more to gossip about, turned all their attention to the arts – first and foremost among their new goals was to educate rather than berate readers on art history. Staff members played badminton.

Cats and dogs batted the ball back and forth, then Armageddon happened. PJH

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