I understand that this column will be appearing in one of those “Best Of” issues wherein readers vote for the best of whatever, like the best drug dealer. After consulting with myself, I decided to present the best of my hometown, Corn Cob, remembering that someone’s best is someone else’s worst. 

Best Free Lunch: If you plan right and can move quickly, the Hi-Vee store in north Corn Cob dispenses very generous samples on Fridays. It takes some maneuvering and not a little shoving, but you can have an appetizer, main course, a few sides and dessert. Sometimes they even have little ice cream cones. They do not serve alcohol and helping yourself to the salad bar is frowned upon. 

Best Low-life Bar: Marie’s Bar and Grill in Silo City, down by the train tracks and city dumpster, probably qualifies. It is a long-standing landmark although frequently closed down over issues like scum, grease and the fact that the men’s room hasn’t been cleaned since 1968. The police raid it from time to time and being caught in a vice raid is a rite of passage for county kids. No one knows who the hell Marie is, but Big Ed has been running it for years. I think Big Ed is in jail this week, so it’s probably closed. Try again next week and there’s no need to call ahead, they don’t have a phone. 

Best Golf Course: Most people like the County Line Course. The County had some spare land along the Skunk River stretching from the Highway 30 bridge to the County gravel pit, so they put in a nine-hole course. There is even a clubhouse, a doublewide with a microwave and a vending machine. Ladies Day is Tuesday and afterwards the ladies all go to Silo City to suck up a few at Marie’s. The green fees are $10; replace your divots and watch out for that dog leg by the gravel pit, that’s a hell of a sand trap. 

Best Public Celebration: Fourth of July is usually a big favorite, although Norwegian Day at the county fair is a close second. When I was growing up in Iowa, firecrackers were illegal and might still be, but that doesn’t seem to keep people from blasting away on the Fourth of July. One year the Lion’s Club set the high school on fire when one of their aerial bombs went astray and last year, the Catholic ladies gave a 150 people food poisoning when their tuna salad turned on them at a church picnic. 

Old Man Lilleboe gets to lead the parade because he’s 101 and a relic, the Dancing Grannies put on their red, white and blue shorts and tap danced around, the young Lutherans throw candy while reciting bible verses, and so on. The best Fourth of July parade is probably in north Elbowbend. The town is too small for much of a parade, so the high school band and a few marchers, line up in the middle of town and stand still, while the parade goers go around them. Someone throws an M80 and tosses some candy and it’s over. 

If you have any suggestions for more Bests from Corn Cob, just let me know. PJH