More of the Best

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

By Galloping Grandma

In my last column, I mentioned some of the best things in my hometown of Corn Cob. I wasn’t able to include all the things that were best, so here are some more. My opinion, of course, but mine is the only one that counts.

Best senior center: There are several very nice senior centers in the county; welcoming, well organized, devoted to the well-being of the senior community. Unfortunately, most of the seniors prefer to squeeze into the Coffee Cup Cafe, where they take up all the space, suck up all the coffee, stay all day and complain about the donuts. Grandpa Gund loves to take out his false teeth and put them on the table while he soaks his donut in his coffee. He knows it will drive the waitress crazy, but the seniors figure that they’ve worked hard at getting old and they’re good at it and no one is going to make them give up their donuts.

Best lawn ornament: This seems like a strange category, but lawn decor can be very important in certain neighborhoods. For years, there has been a nasty ornament war in Silo City. It all began when someone began cranking out all those wooden cutouts of fat ladies leaning over, windmills, dutch boys and Uncle Sam mail boxes. After a while, they were everywhere and the neighbors began to fight back. It became a competition, sort of a bad taste Olympics. Gnomes were everywhere, fancy birdbaths sprouted and someone even got a lawn jockey suitable for tying up a horse, or your little brother.

The Catholics all had the Virgin Mary in their yards, but the Lutherans couldn’t find any Martin Luther statues anywhere. Leroy Lilleboe planted a big plastic replica of the Ten Commandments in his yard, which was appropriate as he had broken most of them. The pinnacle was reached when Agnes Gund found an old toilet and put it in her front yard, planted with daisies and geraniums. The city told her you can’t have plumbing in your yard, but Agnes said she wasn’t going to use it for heaven’s sake. I picked out a six-foot fiberglass chicken for my yard, but my husband said no. He has no sense of style.
Best religious nitwit: There seems to be a number of them roaming the county. For some years, Orville Lundberg has wandered the county claiming to be John the Baptist, except on Sundays when he becomes the Pope and blesses everyone. He’s not Catholic and must be the only Methodist Pope around.

There ‘s also a lady who collects Corn Flakes that look like the 12 apostles. She rejected one that looked like Richard Nixon and she sold a piece of toast resembling Mother Theresa on eBay. Last year, she found an apparition on the side of her house that she thought resembled the Second Coming, but it turned out to be rising damp. I just think winter is too long out there and they just have too much time on their hands.

Best athletic event: When I was growing up, Iowa had girls’ competitive basketball. It was exciting and the girls’ tournament was better than the boy’s. Most high schools weren’t allowed to have girls’ sports, they were too delicate, they had cramps, etc. Those girls were fabulous and I’ll never forget them. Our Jackson girls just won the state basketball tournament and I wish those wonderful girls could know how those other wonderful girls opened the doors for them, so many years ago. PJH
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More of the Best | Planet JH News Article: Galloping Grandma

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