Flipside 3/25/09

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

By PJH Staff

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-Derek Dickson wakes up every morning and reaches for his marijuana pipe. He drinks “a lot,” he says, and sometimes takes pills. But in the midst of what he calls his “earnest escape,” in Jackson Hole, he made perhaps the most revolutionary breakthrough in Chaos Theory since the field’s inception.

“All of a sudden, I was delivering pizza twice as fast as any other driver, when there was traffic on the road,” Dickson said. “For some reason, I just knew where to go.”
He arrived at intersections before any other car, encountered nothing but green lights and was never stuck behind slow drivers.

After he thought about it for a second, he realized he was making decisions to turn down streets based on some sort of instinct or premonition, he said.

Dickson “just knew” that the movement of the stars, the amount of moisture in the air, and the geology surrounding certain roadways affected the way people drove, and was making decisions based on that information, he said. He wrote a letter to a former professor at Vassar, Dr. Chuck Fars, telling him the basis of his theory, but also that he couldn’t quite understand it.

“Geology has told humans everything they needed to know since the beginning of time,” the letter reads. “It tells them where water will be, where certain plants will grow and where to find shelter. In the same way, geology has taught me how to deliver the most pizzas.”

Dickson is what is known as an “indigo child.” He has incredible insight into the “bigger picture” and is simultaneously cognizant of every variable affecting every situation in his life.

“Derek is a very gifted child, one of the most advanced Indigo children I have ever encountered,” Dr. Fars said. “Extracting this theory from his mind was like pulling the most magnificent dinosaur skeleton from a murky tar pit.”

Because they are so gifted, children like Derek often turn to alcohol and drugs to fill the disparity between their minds and the minds of those around them. Upon reading Dickson’s letter, Fars rushed to Jackson to detoxify his bloodstream, and extract the basic principles of the theory. He fleshed out the rest, and published a paper on the theory, called “Poly-Psychic Polemics,” that revolutionized chaos theory.

“Dereks insight allows us to get a new view of Randomness,” Fars said. “It turns out that randomness isn’t random. Someday, this will change the world.” PJH
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