Here come the side effects

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

By Galloping Grandma

The other night while I lay in bed listening to the chorus of snorts, moos, honks and buzzing coming from my husband on one side and the dog on the other, I thought it might be a good idea to try one of those sleep aids you see on TV.

Actually, the sleep aid that came to mind was chloroform or maybe a club, but that would require effort on my part. I finally went out on the couch, but the dog followed me and my husband appeared, and wanted to know why I was out there. I think chloroform might be the answer.

I was reminded of the time that MaryLou Fungoe from Corn Cob, Iowa had a sleep problem, and she asked the doctor for that pill where you have to sleep for eight hours, and strange things can happen to some people while they are asleep.
MaryLou slept all right, but she always had the feeling that she’d been up all night. She began noticing food stains on her nitie and lots of dirty dishes in the sick. Her car filled up with fast food wrappers and a friend told her that they’d seen her at the drive-up window at Wendy’s at 4 a.m. with a bag full of hamburgers; she was wearing a nitie and fuzzy slippers, and she wasn’t even driving a car. She was on foot. 

Then strange items began to arrive in the mail, someone was ordering that stuff you see on TV in the middle of the night. She got clothes from the Quacker Factory, and she even got a selection of free male performance enhancers and a book on why big is always better.

After she received a used slot machine and working phone booth, her husband laid in wait and caught her ordering a piece of highway equipment that the state was auctioning on eBay. She had to give up her pills, and send everything back. She had gained so much weight from fast food that she had to return the slinky clothes she ordered from Hottie.com and stripper pole that went with them.

When MaryLou went off the pills all that fun went with them. She no longer woke up wondering what the hell she’d been doing all night and wondering what surprises the day would bring.

I, on the other hand, have decided the only sleep aid for me is to lock my husband and the dog in the garage. But with my luck they’ll get back in the house.  My chloroform is the answer.  JHW
PERMALINK:
Here come the side effects | Planet JH News Article: Galloping Grandma

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