Fahrenheit 450 none

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

By PJH Staff

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-As the nights are heating up, so are the pages of a special collection of banned books gathered by The Jackson Association for Selective Subjects. The J-ASS is hosting its inaugural book burning and barbeque, Culled for Coals, as a “distress call for decency.”

“J-ASS is working towards eliminating the burden of information that our children face today,” said Paul Macleod, J-ASS general secretary and concerned parent.
 Culled for Coals is a breakthrough in curtailing rebellious literature geared toward children, Macleod said. The Association decided to attract children to the ground floor of their operation – matches and paper.

“We’ve managed to turn a historical problem of fire safety into an area of parental thought control,” he said.

Twelve-year-old J-ASS initiate Dylan admitted he wasn’t sure what he was burning, but was excited that he would be able watch it go up in flames.

The event will begin with a children’s roast of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. After a barbeque cooked over the coals of Lewis Carroll, the event segues towards the torching of more disturbing subject matter, even more harmful to kids: Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Code, because of their anti-authority themes.

Macleod’s worry didn’t stop at subversive literature. He expressed concern about the daily rains, which he said jeopardize the outdoor festivities. “Damp books won’t burn, period,” said Macleod.

J-ASS will host another book- barbeque of Thomas Paines’ Commonsense to celebrate the Fourth of July in Jackson Hole. JHW

This article is fictional and intended for entertainment only.
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