A Redneck Perspective: Pseudo Solar, Inc.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

By Clyde Thornhill

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-I’ve decided to start a new business. First thing I need to do is hire a helper to do the work - preferably someone who can cook biscuits and gravy and bring homemade cookies for coffee breaks.
 I swing by Lill’s house.

She has a strong back and carries a can of Copenhagen in case I run out. She also has a pickup truck use to haul material, and she could borrow her ex-boyfriend’s ladder since he had taken a month off his painting business to go fishing.
“What do you want?” she demanded in a tone that implied she was less than delighted to see me.

“I’m here to offer you gainful employment,” I tell her, somewhat miffed by her less than appreciative manner.

 “Are you writing a book about standing-up your date so you can have a weekend frolic with two girls from Utah and you need someone to correct the spelling?” she asked sarcastically.

“Buddha tells us the secret to happiness is letting go,” I remind her.
Lill sends me reeling with a left hook. It is obvious she has several more lives to experience before she reaches enlightenment.

I say: “My company, Genuine Replica Solar Systems ® has five houses lined up in the Pines and seven more in John Dodge. All you have to do is paint some plywood black so it looks like solar panels and nail it on roofs while I sit in the truck and go over billing, payroll and accounts receivable.”

 “Why would someone want fake solar panels on their roof?”

“They are not fake solar panels,” I reply, indignant. “They’re Genuine Replica Solar Systems ®. I tell my customers that Replica panels cost a fraction of so-called ‘real solar panels’ and the percent of electricity a solar cell generates compared to the total power usage in a nine thousand square foot house with heated driveway, lots of open beam vaulted ceilings, north facing picture windows and an outdoor water feature is close to the percentage of painted plywood.

And painted plywood looks like a solar panel so it enhances your image as a responsible world citizen, justly concerned with issues of substantiality and energy independence.”

  “How much will you pay me?” she says.
“I’ll spring for the entire minimal wage.”
“What about my truck?”

“Oh, all right, you can sit in the cab during lunch, but don’t eat all the cookies you bring.”

Lill was not impressed with my offer of honest labor. I tell you no one wants to work nowadays. I had to call my clients and delay installation of Genuine Replica Solar Systems®.

So cute girls looking for a job, call me. Remember, short skirts count! JHW


PERMALINK:
A Redneck Perspective: Pseudo Solar, Inc. | Planet JH News Article: General Worm Hole

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