A Redneck Perspective: Zen for the common man

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

By Clyde Thornhill

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-Alice, my Shades girl, asked me to go to Buddhist meditation with her.

“It’s fun,” she told me. “Highly evolved people sit cross-legged in a room. Each individual blocks outside thoughts by focusing on a single object or on breathing until they tap into their inner energy and find eternal bliss.”
“Will there be food?” I asked.

“Come on Clyde, it’s not about food. It’s about allowing thought to flow past like a leaf floating down a river.”
“So you’re smoking pot?”

“Clyde, I don’t even know why I waste my time on you!”
She threw a book at me.

“Read this,” she yelled and stalked out.

The book had a picture of Buddha on the cover. Buddha is a big boy and I’ll bet he could pound down a full order of Bubbas’ biscuits and gravy without breaking a sweat. That’s my type of spiritual leader. I decide to give the book a try.
The book’s title was Dhammapada, which translated into a more colloquial Hog Island vernacular means “seeking the path that provides the most beer.”

As one of Hog Island’s leading scholars on Eastern spirituality, I am familiar with religious manuscripts of ancient India. I personally own three translations of the Karma Sutra. (If you are new to this classical text, I would recommend The Karma Sutra an Illustrated Guide for Dummies. Beware of back strains if you try position 33 and number 55 is for supple yoga experts only!)

I opened the Dhammapada and read the first line: We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. 

“We are what we think!” I immediately understood the popularity of Buddhism in Jackson. Where else can you buy a hat, and think you are a cowboy; ski a mountain and think you are rad or buy a bumper sticker for your Chevy Tahoe and  think you’re an environmentalist. Newspaper columnists are very Zen in the discipline of transcendental self-image expansion.

Brad Mead is a wise yogi dispensing perceptive insight to the unwashed masses; Ceci Clover is the Internet gossip columnist’s Perez Hilton and I’m the sex symbol responsible for the retro fashion statement known as the 3B (balding beer-belly) which is currently in vogue with the “in” crowd of Hog Island and Hoback Junction. I decided to read more.

Temptation cannot touch the man who is awake, strong and humble, who masters himself and minds the dharma.

This describes me to a tee. I can’t think of a time I have been tempted to eat tofu or drink wine when beer is available. I have avoided the temptations of green vegetables and excess exercise and I refuse to allow life’s clutter and outside distractions interfere with my traditional afternoon beer(s).

Clearly I’m on the path to enlightenment. Who knows? Perhaps with mental discipline and a quest for inner truth, one day I’ll be able to eat two orders of Bubbas’ biscuits and gravy in one sitting.  Namaste. JHW


PERMALINK:
A Redneck Perspective: Zen for the common man | Planet JH News Article: General Worm Hole

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