A Redneck Perspective: Farmers Market

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

By Clyde Thornhill

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-Susie, my Shades girl, asked me to meet her at the Town Square Farmers Market. “By supporting local organic farmers we are doing our part to save the planet and strike a blow against corporate consumerism,” Susie explained. “Plus there will be fresh vegetables and my friend has a booth selling lavender potpourri and reusable shopping bags made from hemp!”
 
Somehow I was not convinced it would as entertaining as Susie made it sound.
She read my expression and sighed. “There will also be GORPer girls wearing low halter tops and free samples.”

Saturday, I drove my truck to town and parked by an SUV with a ‘Think Globally Act Locally’ bumper sticker. The Farmers Market crowd was composed of Teton County’s most illustrious citizenry. There were politicians, writers of letters to the editor, and people who drink fair trade organic coffee.

I took the wad of Copenhagen out of my mouth, lest I be mistaken for an unrefined member of the proletariat. I was going to chuck it behind a lilac bush but I couldn’t find one. I dropped it on the sidewalk and smeared it into the wood with my boot.
I strolled along the booths fearfully eyeing fresh green stuff, that apparently, elite people actually eat. There were some baked goodies loaded with butter and sugar, but they were priced substantially more than Shades’ day-old muffins. However, I was not discouraged. I recognized Ms. Jones, (not real name), an older lady who was expounding on the advantages of bath soap made with tincture of wild crafted sagebrush and chokecherry.

 “Didn’t I see you last week at the meat section at Smith’s?” I said. “How did those New York Strips turn out?”

She smiled and whispered, “Maybe now is not a good time to talk about that.”
I glanced in the direction of the pastries and lifted my left eyebrow. Two minutes later, I was eating a scone and sipping a cup of indigenous raised, Bohemian roasted coffee, complements of Ms. Jones.

I had just spotted Susie across the square when I was accosted by a woman carrying a clipboard. “Would you sign a petition affirming your commitment to global sustainability?” she asked.

She was cute and wore a low-cut top so I said, “Hell yeah.”  I signed the petition and immediately felt the sense of moral supremacy known only to those who seek harmony with Mother Earth.

She said, “Would you like a ‘Sustainability Now’ button so everyone knows you are a concerned world citizen?”

 ‘Sustainability Now’ buttons are big with GORPer chicks. I said, “Sure.” She handed me a button. “We ask for a donation of ten dollars to help cover the cost of the sustainability.”

I said, “I use the barter system to protest corporate greed and wealth consolidation.”

I pulled an expired Merry Piglets 2-for-1 Fajitas coupon from my pocket and handed it to her. “Peace be with you,” I said. JHW  


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A Redneck Perspective: Farmers Market | Planet JH News Article: General Worm Hole

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