Beginningless summer has ups, downs*

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

By PJH Staff

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-What do bad allergies and pasty-white human flesh have in common?

They are both side effects of the overzealously late spring and the remarkably cool and cloudy summer of 2009, the Wyoming Climatology Office said in an announcement yesterday.

Dubbed “The Beginningless Summer” by the Wyoming state Climatologist, June, July and August never packed the temperatures that they typically do, and as a result there are a wide array of gealogical and social side effects.

“This summer just didn’t happen, in meteorological terms,” state climatologist Steve Dermott said. “Essentially, the weather patterns have been springlike, and not a single heatwave has struck any part of Western Wyoming. It’s good for the drought, and glaciers will start growing again... at least for now.”

But the Wyoming Mental Health Service said the heavy rains and lack of high temperatures will have some hidden social benefits as well.

“Well, people will actually not age this summer, because their circadian rythms did not get a ‘tick,’” Wyoming Health Department director Vi Brants said. “So for Jackson Women who are getting old, but still want to have babies, or over-educated service workers who want to have a career, now they have another year to make their dreams come true.”

The cool weather has rippled throughout the Jackson Hole economy, as raft companies have complained that their ticket sales are down 50 percent, but like any climatological anomaly, the beginningless summer has meant big bank for merchants. JHW

*This story is fictional, for entertainment only.
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