A Redneck Perspective: A very significant interview regarding local economy

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

By Clyde Thornhill

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-Mary stormed into my office. “The N@G just had an interview with Realtors Bland Hoke and Bob Graham. It was on the front page for goodness sake! Why can’t you do an interview? Do I have to think of everything around here?”

“Bland Hoke and Bob Graham!” I exclaimed. “What did they say?”

“In five pages they explained that the real-estate market has cooled since ‘07, and there is vacant office space available. They also said prices will quit dropping when the bottom is reached at which time appreciation is likely pending a corresponding rise in prices.

“Wow, talk about a scoop!”

I am humiliated, but I vow the massive resources of the N@G will be no match for my resolve.

“If I do an interview, can it go on the front page?” I asked optimistically.
“It will be close to the front page,” she said.

I decide to interview a climbing bum, Susie, my Shades girl, Alice, my Republican lover, Lill, my Redneck lover and a Utah girl up for a weekend fling.
How has the economy affected your dating life?  

Climbing bum: Dude I’m broke, but I was broke before. But it’s a different kind of broke, like now finding a two-week job between climbs is harder. It’s got to where I have to take my girlfriend climbing a couple times a month just for room and board. Chicks are totally taking advantage of the situation.

Utah Girl: You have to work harder to find a man, you know, dress trashier, lower the standards and neckline. And you need to beware of out-of-work realtors. Their self image is so compromised they are no good in … well let’s just say if that’s all I wanted I would have spent the weekend in Ogden!

Alice my Republican lover: The economic downturn hit hardest among patriotic Republican executives’ mistresses. Business travel has been reduced to trips relating to business or travel that can be hidden in the maintenance budget. Last year I scored trips to Morocco, Rio de Janeiro and the French Riviera. This year all I got was one night at Spring Creek during their locals off- season discount promotion.  It’s obviously an Obama socialist conspiracy.

Lill my Redneck lover: I get more dates than ever! Of course it usually involves helping my man change the transmission on his truck. But there is nothing like a snap-on ratchet, dirt and grease to get the romantic juices flowing for a wild night of trailer rocking to Hank Jr., Haggard and Willie (the singer, not body part). And in the morning Bubbas’ biscuits and gravy is pound for pound the best value around!
Susie my Shades girl: It hasn’t really affected the dating scene. Guys would never take us to dinner anyway. They invite us for a hike or mountain bike then expect us to cook them dinner and keep them entertained until morning. But I for one say it’s worth it. If you don’t believe me try spending a week in Ogden.

Tragically some GOP girls are seeking companionship among Democrats. While this has occurred in the past from time to time, it was more for erotic rather than financial or ideological reasons. JHW
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A Redneck Perspective: A very significant interview regarding local economy | Planet JH News Article: General Worm Hole

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