A Redneck Perspective:Life Coach

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

By Clyde Thornhill

Jackson Hole, Wyo.-Alice, my Republican lover, was losing her patience with me.  She said, “I take you to high-class cocktail parties in the Pines and you just hang around the hors d’oeuvres and drink Scotch.

“I am moving up in the Republican Party and I date a hick who believes GOP stands for Girls Offering Parties.

“You change or I’ll examine my options.”

I didn’t want to lose Alice. And lest you think I’m shallow, it’s more than fancy GOP cocktail parties with free booze and hors d’oeuvres.

I decided to enlist the help of a life coach. For the uninformed, life coaches strive to make us better by showing us our shortcomings and explaining how we need to live out our true potential. Not surprisingly, many life coaches are women.
I found an ad in the JHN&G right between an offer for male enhancements and a law firm offering discount rates for bankruptcies.

I dialed the number. “Meaningful and illuminating life enhancement life coaching.” A sexy female voice answered. “We support and encourage you as you choose to make bold and powerful changes in your live so you can achieve prosperity, joy and complete personal realization.  We accept Visa, Master Card. Charges begin after the tone.”

“I want to change,” I said. “Alice thinks I need to be more than what I am.”
“And who is Alice?” The phone voice asked. “Is she a romantic interest you are trying to impress.”  

“Nothing like that,” I answered. “She’s just one of my girlfriends.”
“Why do you want to change for someone who you’re not interested in as a life partner?”

“Sometimes Susie and Lill are busy and she makes a good fill-in. Plus Alice takes me to cocktail parties with free food and booze. Most of all she has perverse intimate longings that keep me amused for hours.”
There was silence on the phone for a few seconds and I heard her catch her breath. “For hours?” she whispered.

“That’s Alice,” I said.

“I think your case needs personal intervention, a face to face, hands on conference. Where do you live?” 

All and all, I found life coaching to be a rewarding and invigorating experience. JHW
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A Redneck Perspective:Life Coach | Planet JH News Article: General Worm Hole

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